What would you do if monkeys ruled the world?  Of course, there are some who would say that they already do.  Of course, in the new film “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” there’s an obvious difference between fact and fiction: these apes are smart!

Just think of a world filled with furry bipeds who are smarter than you, almost as good looking as you, and who hang from trees by their opposable thumbs, and you might be conjuring up a nightmare.  Or, at the very least, the latest installment in a franchise that you thought had safely expired.

The tagline of the film is apt to be the rueful admonition, “They’re not people you know.”  Of course, this is a line that pops into my head whenever I see news coverage of the Tea Party, but that’s another story.

GCI is the product of the same outfit responsible for the effect in “Avatar,” but, thankfully, this doesn’t appear to be in 3D.  Much as I hate to admit in having an interest in cheesy sci-fi franchises, this one, in its latest incarnation, seems to have a certain appeal.  Perhaps its because it seems as though there might be a perverse joy to be had in watching a bunch of angry apes get their own back after all those years of being subjected to lab experiments in the effort to find a better cold cream.

David Hyde Pierce - bet ya never saw this on Frasier!

Ever wonder what happened to David Hyde Pierce after “Frasier” ran past its shelf date? Well, neither have I, actually. But now a quirky little indieprod called “The Perfect Host” provides the answer, even if you haven’t been looking for it.

From the trailer, the film appears to be an uneasy blend of “The Desperate Hours” (Bogart’s verson, not Mickey Rourke’s) and “Pee-wee Herman’s Big Adventure.” It’s great to see D.H.P. break out from his role as the prissy TV brother of Kelsey Grammer to play a prissy dinner host who terrorizes a burglar.

Synopsis

A criminal on the run cons his way into the wrong dinner party where the host is anything but ordinary.

JOHN TAYLOR (Clayne Crawford) has just robbed a bank. He planned and executed it perfectly. It
comes as a shock to him then, when he discovers the robbery is all over the news and he has been identified as the perp. Injured from the robbery and now in a car known to the cops, John has a problem. He must ditch the vehicle and get off the streets.

WARWICK WILSON (David Hyde Pierce) has showered, shaved and is in the middle of preparing the dinner party that he will be hosting that evening. Warwick is a little surprised when the intercom of his slick Los Angeles home buzzes. The man on the intercom screen introduces himself as John, a friend of a friend, and in need of a favor.

Warwick, who prides himself on being a perfect host decides to take a chance and invites John in. As the night progresses neither man can conceal his true nature. What was assumed is turned upside down.

– Magnolia Pictures

I know this must be a sophisticated film because the four principal players speak with four different accents.  According to my research (which was minimal), “Last Night” is a joint French-American production, rather like the first Gulf War, and the recent enforcement of the no-fly zone over Libya.  As in those ventures, I have to assume that the Americans have assumed the leadership role, as the film was shot in English.

Of course, English would guarantee a naturally wider distribution, so it might be down to nothing more than that.  Werner Herzog has taken to shooting his films in English in recent years (one waxes nostalgic for Herzog’s golden era when he focused on low budget period pieces starring the late Klaus Kinski), and Woody Allen continues to shoot in English, even though he’s become, for all intents and purposes, a European filmmaker.

Kiera Knightly seems to be the centerpiece in this film (or maybe she’s simply the one who’s made the most indelible impression on my visual cortex), although the plot revolves around a quartet: young couple whose monogamous fortitude is unexpectedly tested, and a pair of young hopefuls doing the testing. Imagine “Eyes Wide Shut” shot in real time rather than slo-mo, and you’ll get the idea.

It’s all very symmetrical, which is probably the result of the French influence.  The trailer is cut teasingly, with  a downbeat ending implied, which is deinfinitely very French.  Imagine Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in this, with Ron Howard at the helm, and there would definitely be a larger portion of schmaltz baked into the mixture, along with a few more laughs.

Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. Mila appeaars to be thinking, "I hope he doesn't sing!"

It seems that Justin Timberlake is determined to become a film star.  Let me confess that I’m so estranged from the pop music scene that I had never heard of Timberlake prior to the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction that he participated in several years ago during their joint Super Bowl performance.

In fact, since I haven’t watched a Super Bowl cover to cover since 1967, I’m surprised that I ever got wind of the Jackson-Timberlake brouhaha.  If it weren’t for the fact that the right wing press made a banner issue out of it, it probably never would’ve found a place on my radar screen.

Is Justin Timberlake funny?  I can’t tell.  It’s like asking if Frank Sinatra was a good actor.  I’ve seen most of Sinatra’s films (the non-musical ones, at any rate), and whenever he’s on the screen, I can never forget the fact that I’m watching Frank Sinatra.  I always expect him to break into a song.

This holds true even for films like “The Man with the Golden Arm,” an adaptation of the Nelson Algren novel, in which Ol’ Blue Eyes plays a card dealer trying to kick the heroin habit.  Even when he’s writhing on the floor in a cold sweat, going through withdrawal, I expect him to snap out of it long enough to give us a snappy rendition of “Call Me Irresponsible.”

Of course, Timberlake doesn’t have the gravitas of the Chairman of the Board, but “Friends with Benefits” definitely tries to capitalize on his pop star rep, as you’ll see in the trailer below.  As to whether Timblerlake is funny, you be the judge.

From the trailer, it looks to me as though the funniest thing in the film is Woody Harrelson, who has a supporting role.  The hottest thing is definitely Mila Kunis, who I’d completely ignored until her recent appearance in “Black Swan.”  It’s amazing what a sex scene with Natalie Portman will do for your career.

I saw this film recently, and was properly impressed.  I know, I was only a year late, considering it won the honors of Best Foreign Language Film at the Academy Awards in 2010.  The film is from Argentina, which makes something of a hybrid, half mainstream, half independent.

If the film had been made in this country, it might have starred a younger Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro, along with Catherine Zeta Jones or Angelina Jolie (if they could act), or perhaps Laura San Giacomo.  As it is, the Argentine production features Ricardo Darín and Soledad Villamil (the latter being a dark, sultry beauty who splits her time between films, television and a singing career – but apparently everyone in the Argentine film industry moonlights).

Darin I’d seen previously in “Nine Queens,” which was remade in this country as “Criminal,” with John C. Reilly in the leading role.  (I recommend both versions.  They’re along the same lines as David Mamet’s “Heist,” without the usual Mamet gingerbread.)

“The Secret in Their Eyes” co-stars Guillermo Francella, who is apparently the Rodney Dangerfield of Argentina.  You wouldn’t know it here.  He plays a convincing drunk (with a wry sense of humor, of course) on a collision course with an untimely end.

There are several good reasons to watch this film.  Watch it, you’ll discover your own.  If nothing else, it looks as though it might be a good prep for another Ricardo Darín vehicle being released in this country this year, “Carancho.”

The synopsis for this film sounds like a cross between “Deja Vu” and “Groundhog Day.”  It’s encouraging to see that Jake Gyllenhaal is progressing from playing sensitive, whiny nerds to sensitive, whiny action heroes.  Could this be a part that Matt Damon turned down?

No matter.  Judging by the GCI on display, a significant portion of the budget will be on the screen, which should satisfy the majority of contemporary filmgoers, most of whom become suspicious when they see nothing but non-virtual actors and scenery in a film.   Michelle Monaghan co-stars (and looks delectable), and Vera Farmiga gets serious in a military uniform, which is probably worth the price of admission.

When decorated soldier Captain Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) wakes up in the body of an unknown man, he discovers he’s part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train. In an assignment unlike any he’s ever known, he learns he’s part of a government experiment called the “Source Code,” a program that enables him to cross over into another man’s identity in the last 8 minutes of his life. With a second much larger target threatening to kill millions in downtown Chicago, Colter re-lives the incident over and over again, gathering clues each time, until he can solve the mystery of who is behind the bombs and prevent the next attack.

– Summit Entertainment

Paul as Paul

There’s nothing much cuter than a cute alien.  If you’ve ever wondered what the result might be if you crossed E.T. with one of the Village People, Paul might be your answer.  The fact is, ever since “The X-Files” cluttered the air waves (or cable waves?) with spooky theme music and soot grey Vancouver skies, aliens, whether on big screen or small, or in your back yard, haven’t been nearly as funny and cute as they ought to be.  “Paul” is set to reverse this trend.

The first trailer I saw for this picture was the red band version, and it was significantly funnier.  The green band iteration, complete with obvious dubbings and snippings of the naughty bits, will give you an idea. The movie, perhaps in the same vein as “The Hangover,” or “Talladega Nights,” threatens to be a one-joke sketch on growth hormones.  We’ll see if the scripters were able to write their way out of the corner.

It looks as though Jason Bateman has turned in another clever, deadpan performance, and Seth Rogan provides the voice of the lead alien, Paul.  Paul’s posse is played by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and the supporting players include Kristen Wiig, Sigourney Weaver (is it just me, or do her parts keep getting smaller and smaller?), Jeffrey Tambor, Jane Lynch (who is quickly becoming everyone’s favorite lesbian, after Ellen) and Al Gore.  Okay, I lied about Al Gore, but not about everyone else.

Amanda Seyfried as Little Red

There’s a case to be made for Hollywood’s being the original green industry: sooner or later they recycle everything.  The latest treatment of the Red Riding Hood story is a notable example.  You might think that the children’s fable was tamper-proof, but no, in the conference rooms of Studioland, nothing is safe.

In this case, we have an update.  The original “Little Red Riding Hood” was a folk tale that found its first printed form in the version offered by the 17th century French author Charles Perrault, entitled “Le Petit Chaperon Rouge.”  Perrault is known for having virtually invented the fairy tale in its printed form.  It was Perrault’s intention to offer moral tales as guideposts for the young.

In Perrault’s version of “Red Riding Hood,” Little Red meets a strange wolf in the woods, and is tricked into telling him the whereabouts of her aged grandmother.  The wolf then manages to sneak to the grandmother’s house, evading the notice of nearby woodcutters, and has her for lunch – literally.  You know the rest of the story, including one of the best comeback lines in all of children’s literature, “The better to eat you with, my dear!”

In Perrault’s version, however, the story ends with Little Red residing snugly in the wolf’s gastroinstestinal tract.  She is not rescued by the heroic young hunter.  Where would be the moral instruction in that?  Perrault makes his message clear: pretty young girls would do well not to listen to strangers in the woods.  Further, there are wolves and there are wolves.  While some are obviously dangerous, others seem benign, if not outright charming, and are very likely to talk their way into an unsuspecting girl’s home, where God knows what sort of horrors might ensue.

Gary Oldman

The subtext there, of course, is, “Beware of the charming seducer.  He’ll eat you alive!”  It’s this element that seems to form a link between the traditional tale and the updated version on offer in the latest film rendition.  The picture was directed by Catherine Hardwicke, who also helmed “Twilight,” which belongs to the Vampire-romance genre that currently enjoys an unfathomable popularity with pubescent teens.

Well, maybe unfathomable is the wrong word.  In fact, the attraction seems obvious.  These vampire stories are more about hormones than horror, and teenage girls generally seem to have a weakness for bad boys, especially ones with fangs.  The new “Red Riding Hood” offers a well-worn Gothic shtick, with a GCI infusion: Red’s new menace is a shapeshifter (de rigueur for GCI artists), a werewolf.  What more could a girl want?

As far as I can tell, the only reasons for an adult to have any interest in this film are two in number: Gary Oldman and Julie Christie.  Oldman has a commanding presence in the trailer, with an unwonted patrician accent.  (As a character actor, he’s a gifted chameleon, sharing space on a rarefied plane with Philip Seymour Hoffman.) Christie’s presence seems more obscure.  In the trailer, we see a fleeting glimpse of a woman of a certain age who looks like someone who used to be Julie Christie, prior to unfortunate surgical interventions.  She speaks not a line.  I hope she has more to say in the film at full length.

If you’re like me, you can’t resist a new film starring the likes of Shannen Doherty and Dylan McDermott.  I know, it almost sounds like too much of a good thing.  But wait, there’s more.

New release “Burning Palms” (actually, it was scheduled for release nearly a year ago, but apparently the distributors forgot) co-stars Zoe Saldana, Lake Bell, Nick Stahl, Paz Vega, Adriana Barraza, Colleen Camp, Jamie Chung, Robert Hoffman, Peter Macdissi, Emily Meade, Anson Mount, Rosamund Pike, Austin Williams, Chandler George Brown and Tom Wright.

I know, hard to believe they’re all in one film right?  But this is an ensemble piece, which means that at least 30 different actors share the bill, each one getting about 10 minutes total screen time.

The film was written and directed by Christopher B. Landon, who also wrote the 2007 thriller “Disturbia.”  According to producer Oren Segal. the film is “a John Waters version of Short Cuts.”  Does that mean overlong and pretentious, or in seriously bad taste…or both?

Is Natalie Portman thinking, "Oh my God, how did I get myself into this mess?"

I’ve watched this trailer twice (that is, I’ve watched both the green and red band versions), just to make sure I didn’t miss anything that might actually be funny, and I can report with a fair degree of certainty that, no, I didn’t miss anything.  By all appearances, this might be the least funny A-list (or is this a second-stringer dressed up as A-list?) comedy since “Knight and Day,” the Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz vehicle that left the shop with two flats.

The primary justification for “No Strings Attached” (a title so generic, you’ll be pardoned for losing your way in the theater lobby, should you take a chance on this one) would seem to be Natalie Portman’s conviction that she still needs an image makeover.  Go look up the red band trailer, and you’ll see what I mean.  Not only does it give you a teaser view of a relatively topless Portman (Ashton, move your hands!), but it also features the lovely Natalie as a serious physician (“I work 80 hours a week!”), with a serious potty mouth.

In fact, the F-word gets such a workout in the red band version, that the film sounds a bit like a recycled Eddie Murphy stand-up routine.  The green band version is cuter, emphasizing bonding over bonking.  At least I think that’s the message.  The plot seems so predictable that I my faith in Hollywood would be shaken if this picture actually managed to have a surprise ending.

Kevin Kline has a supporting role as Kutcher’s father (talk about being sent back to the minors), and it seems like thankless duty, especially since, as one character put it, father and son are “tunnel buddies.”  And no, I don’t think it’s a reference to “The Great Escape.”

Ivan Reitman directed and co-produced.  Released by Paramount.