I’ve always thought of Glenn Beck as a bad joke, and in a recent appearance on Bill O’Reilly’s Spin Cycle he gratifyingly dropped all pretense of being a political pundit and Fox News shill and launched into a nearly six minute set of pure shtick.  O’Reilly does his bit as straight man, and the result is like vintage Abbott and Costello, but without the laughs.

The two of them dis on this week’s royal wedding for most of the segment, giving Beck an opportunity to feature his Eilza Doolittle impression, not once, but several times.  I got the sense that this is a routine he’s been honing for years, probably making him a hit at Fox News wine-tasters.

Beck also reveals that he’d be willing to vote for Donald Trump for president, if only for one reason: he’d love to see Trump boarding Marine One, the military helicopter that transports the president to and from the White House lawn.  Seeing the famed Trump hairdo (otherwise known as Trump Tower Two) get caught in the updraft caused by the rotating copter blades would provide a marvelous opportunity to unravel (so to speak) Trump’s greatest mystery (not counting his net worth), i.e. the gravity-defying effect of that mess on his head.  In Beck’s words, “We’d know the mechanics of it.”

British film actress Helen Mirren has called herself a “man in disguise.”  A revelation for the tabloids?  Is she a secret cross-dresser, or does she have some sort of sexual quirk that has hitherto escaped public scrutiny?

No, far from it.  In fact, she’s merely admitting to feeling an aversion to anything overtly emotional or histrionic.  As reported in the Toronto Sun, Mirren said, “I don’t really like romantic movies very much and I hate talking about feelings, so I’m definitely a man in disguise.  I don’t even really like seeing people kiss in movies. This movie is about as romantic as I can handle.”

The movie she was referring to, of course, is “Love Ranch,” the new feature in which she stars with “Goodfellas” icon Joe Pesci.  Based on a real-life story, the pair plays Grace and Charlie Bontempo (surname translation: “goodtime”), the owners of Nevada’s first legal brothel.

While the film might be pushing the red zone on Mirren’s personal romantic meter, the role didn’t come out of the blue, as “Love Ranch” was directed by her husband, Taylor Hackford, who admits that the project was designed as an opportunity to work with Mirren again.  The last time they worked together was 25 years ago, in “White Nights.”

As for Mirren’s aversion to that very American pastime of “talking about feelings,” that would seem as much a British characteristic as a merely masculine one.

Whenever you hear a film actor utter the words, “We’ve changed the rules…we’ve crossed the line…,” you know you’re in for an evening’s worth of good, clean entertainment.

This new film starring Adrian Brody (“The Pianist”) and Sarah Polley (“The Sweet Hereafter”), and directed by Vincenzo Natali (“Cypher”), is an update of an idea that’s been kicking around for centuries. The notion of cross-species transformation is at least as old as ancient Greek myths.  It was also explored in the earliest extant novel composed in Latin, The Golden Ass of Apuleius (158 AD).

More recently, Mary Shelley developed the plot line of a scientist synthetically engineering a beast-person in Frankenstein (1818). And H.G. Wells, always keen to illustrate the Law of Unintended Consequences, utilized a similar plot device in The Island of Dr. Moreau (1896).

Of course, with the possible exception of H.G. Wells, who might have been familiar with the work Gregor Mendel, these writers were working in the dark with respect to genetic engineering.  Not so, the makers of “Splice”  The essential idea behind the film is now commonplace.  Fortunately, CGI techniques have finally caught up with the demands of sci-fi stories on film, and we’re now able to see an example of what a genetic experiment gone wrong really looks like.  In this case, it’s both creepy and sexy.  Although, come to think of it, that could be a description of Pamela Anderson, or any other celebrity with an addiction to cosmetic enhancements.

From the press kit:

A dark vision of the world of genetic engineering in which two young scientists become superstars by splicing different animal DNA to create fantastical new creatures. Ignoring legal and ethical boundaries, the scientists, who are romantically involved, introduce human DNA into their experiment and risk the dawn of a  terrifying new era.

– Copperheart Entertainment

Steven Spielberg and J. J. Abrams have been working on a top secret sci-fi project for Paramount – except it’s not so secret anymore.  A teaser trailer for their “Super 8″ was shown to audiences on Friday at “Iron Man 2″ showings.  The film was apparently inspired by Spielberg’s sci-fi efforts of the late seventies and early eighties, i.e. “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” and “E.T.”  In fact the teaser bears more than a passing resemblance to some of the  “Close Enounters” sequences in which Richard Dreyfuss is racing around the countryside at night chasing UFO’s.

The “Super 8″ teaser gives little away in terms of plot.  A title card does say, “In 1979, the U.S. Air Force  closed a section of Area 51. All the materials were to be a transported to a secure facility in Ohio,” but no further information is revealed.  Early reports indicate, however, that the plot is a sci-fi mystery.  There has been speculation that the film is a prequel to “Cloverfield,” a 2008 picture produced by Abrams.

Christopher Nolan’s (“The Dark Knight,” “Insomnia,” “Memento”) latest visit to the dark side is “Inception,” a sci-fi thriller that must have had the CGI gurus salivating when they first read the script.  The basic premise involves corporate espionage, with a predictable sci-fi twist.  A crack corporate thief Don Cobb (Leonardo DiCapri) steals secrets, but not from hard copy files or software databases.  Rather, he steals them from human dreams.

As often happens in these tales, Cobb’s success could also prove to be his downfall.  He’s become an international fugitive, perpetually on the run.  In an effort to return to a normal life, Cobb schemes to pull off a dream heist in reverse – an “inception.”

This summer release is an interesting pairing with Martin Scorcese’s last film, “Shutter Island.”  While “Shutter Island” doesn’t belong to the sci-fi genre, it’s certainly in the horror realm, and both films are dark, CGI-saturated and have the DiCaprio name prominently above the title.

DiCaprio has never been a favorite of mine, but, like Johnny Depp, he seems to grow more tolerable as his screen persona matures.  I first noticed that his voice finally seemed to have lost its adolescent squeak in the films “Blood Diamond” and “Body of Lies.”  Likewise, his acting seems more credible.  While I’m not quite ready to join the DiCaprio for Best Actor Club, I’ve gotten to the point where I can sit through an entire DiCaprio picture without looking at my watch every 15 minutes.

The film co-stars Ellen Page (fresh from her Cisco commercials), Marion Cotillard, Cillian Murphy, Tom Hardy, Tom Berenger and Michael Caine.  Director Christopher Nolan also penned the script.

Movie adaptations of novels often prove to be cases of “they should have left well enough alone.”  With remakes of adaptations, the risk can be doubly great.  Fortunately for Hollywood, the early books of James M. Cain seem to have written with films in mind. Cain was proof of the old axiom that pulp fiction often provides better source material for films than does literature.

Why?  Because many of the elements that will distinguish a book as literature aren’t translatable to the screen.  Prose style, interior monologue, subtle characterization, narrative asides – these things are generally cast aside.

The standard characteristics of pulp, however, such as strong narrative momentum, clearly defined plot points, well-paced suspense arcs and easily typed characters, are components that often make a highly-filmable script.

Cain’s trilogy of pulp classics, Double Indemnity, The Postman Always Rings Twice, and Mildred Pierce, are cases in point.  It should be noted, however, that Cain didn’t consider himself a pulp novelist.  On the contrary, he considered himself a writer of romances.

While this might seem to be stretching a point with respect to Indemnity and Postman, one could at least argue that Cain had drawn his themes from literature.  Both books, which are essentially the same story cast in different milieux, are updated versions of Emile Zola’s Therese Rauquin.  The formula: A man and a woman fall in love, and, carried away by their passion, decide to murder the woman’s husband.  But their crime poisons their relationship, and tragedy follows.

Cain’s focus was on the passion, not the crime.  What makes the stories compelling, however, is the fact that the two elements are fused together.   In fact, you might call it Cain’s syllogism.  If (a) a man and a woman fall in love, and (b) the woman is married, then (c) the husband’s days are numbered.

Mildred Pierce, while often grouped with the first two novels, was clearly a departure.  Passion still plays a part in thep proceedings, but of a different sort.  In this case, it’s a woman’s blind devotion to her daughter.  This motive force is both the key to her success and her curse.  Cain specialized in triangles, but in this case it’s one that more closely resembles the one formed by real life Hollywood star Lana Turner, Turner’s lover Johnny Stampanato, and Turner’s daughter.  Same geomtery, same type of tragedy in the end.

The original filmed version of Mildred Pierce was directed by Michael Curtiz, and starred Joan Crawford, Zachary Scott, Jack Carson and Anne Blythe.  It was one of Curtiz’s best efforts, and is probably the best of the adaptations of the three books under discussion.

The remake will be a five-hour mini-series, directed by Todd Haynes (“Far from Heaven”).  Rachel Evan Wood and Guy Pearce will co-star.  From early reports, the setting of the story has been moved to New York, which seems like an odd choice, since the original took place in Glendale, California.  In fact, it’s worth remembering that the three kings of classic pulp, Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler and Cain, were all essentially California novelists.  None of them hailed from that venue, but like the rest of American popular culture in the 20th century, they moved west.  Ironically, the cradle of American noir was the land of perpetual sun.

Conan O’Brien recently appeared on 60 Minutes to discuss his departure from NBC’s “Tonight Show.”  The interview gives us a brief glimpse at O’Brien’s psyche, and if you’re like me,  even a brief glimpse is probably more than you really want.

One thing you notice in the clip is that O’Brien is distinctly unfunny.  Then again, you could say that same thing about most of his comedy routines. I’ve often thought that O’Brien’s fan base was largely comprised of Walter Mittyish comedian wannabes who saw in O’Brien the triumph of mediocrity.  Watching his clumsy throwaways and garish ad-libs, these Rupert Pupkin clones could say, “Look at that!  That guy’s as funny as a heart attack.  If he can get his own TV show, why not me?  I’m twice that funny just hanging out with my poker buddies in the basement.”

In the interview with CBS “60 Minutes” correspondent Steve Kroft, the short-lived “Tonight Show” host placed the blame for his departure squarely on anyone but himself.  As common knowledge by now, when NBC president Jeff Zucker and his cadre of programming flacks scrambled to implement damage control in the wake of Jay Leno’s disastrous move to 10.00 pm, their compromise was to move Jay to 11.00 pm and Conan to 12.00 midnight.  Jimmy Fallon would be bumped to 1.00 am.

This was obviously a maneuver that none of the three hosts was pleased with.  If nothing else, it pushed all three programs out of sync with the standard late night time frames.  Instead of competing head-to-head with David Lettermand and Craig Fergusson, the shifted schedule would put them up against “Nightline,” and third place late night host Jimmy Kimmel on ABC.

Clearly, O’Brien puts the blame on Leno for this forced move.  As he said in the interview, “He went and took that show back and I think in a similar situation, if roles had been reversed, I know…I know me, I wouldn’t have done that.  If I had surrendered ‘The Tonight Show’ and handed it over to somebody publicly and wished them well…and then…six months later. But that’s me, you know. Everyone’s got their own, you know, way of doing things.”

This clearly ignores the fact that Leno was forced into taking the 10.00 slot in the first place.  Why?  Because O’Brien had threatened to leave NBC for Fox if the peacock network didn’t put him on a glide path that would see him become Leno’s replacement within a set time frame.  Leno has said publicly that it was never his idea to leave the “Tonight Show,” and the fact that he returned to his old venue so willingly is simply further evidence that he had never wanted to give it up.

And while Leno’s public well-wishings for his successor might have been hypocritical, as O’Brien suggested, it was merely a case of Leno’s being a good soldier.  When the attempt at a prime-time/late-night hybrid fell flat, NBC did what they usually do: they tried to keep too many balls in the air at one time.  Remember the Leno/Letterman debacle when Johnny Carson retired?

Apparently, O’Brien thinks that if Leno were really a good soldier, he would’ve walked away from TV entirely, leaving the NBC late night slots in the hands of O’Brien and Fallon.

But as anyone who followed the Leno/Letterman fracas should recall, Leno is a tough in-fighter.  While he’s generally willing to be a team player, one thing he isn’t known for is quitting.  He takes the long view, and generally gets his way.

For better or worse, O’Brien isn’t of the same mettle.  Sounding a bit like a jilted character in a daytime soap, O’Brien told Kroft, “I think this relationship is going be toxic and maybe we just need to go our separate ways.  That’s really how it felt to me…and I started to feel that I’m not sure these people even really want me here….I can’t do it [anymore].”

This is an amazing clip.  I’d never seen it before.  I’d always thought that Brando had faked his French in “Last Tango,” but clearly he was actually fluent.  In fact, he seems more articulate in French than in English.  I’m not sure what the occasion was, but it was clearly done in the sixties.  Judging from the clothing they’re wearing, and the woman’s hairstyle, and the quality of the film, I’d say the clip was shot in the mid-sixties.

Seeing the great Method exemplar like this, before he turned into a Malomar devouring whale, makes you nostalgic for the early Brando, when he was still putting his eccentricities to good use.  If you read Truman Capote’s character essay, “The Duke in His Domain,” however, you get a sense of a certain inevitability about Brando’s morphing into an amalgam of Orson Welles and Howard Hughes.  The Hollywood movie star mantle always seemed to chafe, even during the early years when his career was still taking off.

Both De Niro and Pacino have called him the greatest film actor who ever lived, and when he wasn’t squandering his talents on cinematic garbage it’s hard to disagree.  Even in this brief clip, without half trying, he exudes something magnetic.  Even when he’s completely still, he seems to be doing something.

Have you ever wondered what happened to comedian Dennis Miller?  I heard recently that he’d interviewed former U.S. Veep Dick Cheney on his internet “radio” show, and decided to check it out.

As you might know, after leaving “Saturday Night Live,” Miller starred on a series of short-lived cable TV shows that all, to one degree or another, cannibalized the format of the “Weekend Update” segments that Miller successfully helmed during his tenure on SNL.  Most of these shows belonged, ostensibly, to the realm of comedy, although over time it became apparent that Miller was taking his role as social commentator ever more seriously.

It also became apparent that Miller was anything but a wild-eyed radical.  If you had to assess his political sympathies, you might rate him as Rush Limbaugh Lite.  And what do you get when you cross right wing politics with comedy?  You guessed it.  Fox News.  So it’s no surprise that Miller has ended up as a semi-frequent guest pundit on such shows as “Hannity” and “The O’Reilly Factor.”

I have to assume that Miller would love to have a bona fide radio show, of the sort that has made Limbaugh the de facto head of the Republican Party, but Miller’s ratings as a solo act, in television at least, have always been a bit dodgy.  It’s a fair bet that the same would hold true in radio.

But the beauty of the internet is that any yahoo can launch a movie, TV show or radio program from the confines of his home office.  Of course, these are just virtual shows, that exist nowhere but on internet bandwidth, which would seem to make the web the true last refuge for scoundrels.

Miller seems to have taken the home-grown aspect of virtual broadcasting to heart.  He features video segments he calls “Bathrobe Sessions,” which look as though they might have been produced in Miller’s basement.  True to the title, Miller wears a bathrobe, and looks generally mussed as though he’s just crawled out of bed.  This is “Weekend Update” in need of rehab.

Another curious feature of the site is that Miller is promoting various products and services which are typically the province of Fox icons such as Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck.  For example, one of Miller’s sponsors is twinspires.com, which is some kind of gambling site.  I’d thought that internet gambling had been outlawed in the U.S., but perhaps there’s a loophole for former comedians who ingratiate themselves with Roger Ailes.

Miller is also hawking gold coins, an investment opportunity favored by Glenn Beck among others.  While Beck is something of a wingnut, Goldline International, Inc. is “trusted & recommended by Dennis Miller,” according to the ad.  How can you go wrong?

Check out the clip.

ABC launched its new series “Happy Town” at San Francisco’s recent Wondercon convention.  The show’s producers, along with several key cast members, were present at the event.  Sam Neill, Frances Conroy and Steven Webber co-star in the series, as does veteran character actor M.C. Gainey, who is featured in the clip below.

Gainey is a noteworthy presence in the production.  He’s been a thuggish fixture in feature films (“Breakdown,” “Con Air,” ” Terminator 3″) and serial television (“The Dukes of Hazzard,” “Knight Rider,” “The X-Files) for the past 30 years.  He seems charming and benevolent in the Wondercon clip, in stark contrast to his usual persona as scumbag extraordinaire.

Gainey has an interesting take on his own career: “With a face like this, there aren’t a lot of lawyers or priest roles coming my way. I’ve got a face that was meant for a mug shot and that’s what I’ve been doing for the past thirty years. If I play a cop, it’s always a racist cop, or a trigger-happy cop or a crooked cop – but by and large I play cowboys, bikers, and convicts.”

Regarding “Happy Town,” Gainey says, “It’s great family entertainment…if you happen to live next door to the Manson Family.”

From the Press Kit:

Haplin, Minnesota, “Happy Town,” has enjoyed an uneasy peace for five years, but all that is about to change. Still haunted by a number of unsolved kidnappings, the small town now faces a dark new crime that brings all its unresolved fears to the surface. Has the elusive “Magic Man” – who many believe is responsible for the bizarre abductions — returned to claim another victim? As Haplin’s mysteries are revealed, many of its prominent citizens’ motives come under scrutiny as their own secrets and personalities are peeled back one layer at a time.

Dragged away from his idyllic family life to investigate the new spate of crimes, Tommy Conroy (Geoff Stults), a small town deputy under the wing of his dad, long-time popular Sheriff Griffin Conroy (M.C. Gainey), has never had to take charge of Haplin’s law enforcement. His comfortable lifestyle is suddenly turned upside down by a bizarre set of circumstances and he must learn to pool his smarts – without the necessary training and tools – to rally the residents, as well as to keep his wife, Rachel (Amy Acker), daughter Emma (Sophia Ewaniuk) and the rest of Haplin safe.

On the other side of town, the long shadow of the Haplin founding family, represented by mysterious matriarch Peggy Haplin (Frances Conroy) and her son, John (Steven Weber), who runs the local bread factory, “Our Daily” Bakery and Confectionery, try to maintain control. John’s daughter was one of the “Magic Man’s” victims, and he has not given up hope of finding her and seeing justice done. Little does he know that his son, Andrew (Ben Schnetzer), has been carrying on a hot, secret romance with the Conroys’ babysitter, Georgia Bravin (Sarah Gadon), who is definitely from the other side of the tracks.

When Henley Boone (Lauren German) drops in on Haplin, she is struck by the purple mountain majesty of this sun-splashed town, tempered by a recurring bit of curious graffiti — a halo with a question mark under it. Henley’s mother used to spend time vacationing here, and while looking to uncover information about her family’s past, Henley finds herself drawn into a web of romance and intrigue she never could have foreseen. What’s she really here for, and can she be trusted?

But Henley isn’t the only outsider to make a home in Haplin. From his charming but irrelevant film memorabilia shop, The House of Ushers, to his way with the lively widows residing at the Meadows Boarding House with him, the ever-dapper Merritt Grieves (Sam Neill) seems strangely sinister… or is he? What does he have to hide?

Haplin is full of colorful characters, including Big Dave Duncan (Abraham Benrubi) and the nefarious Stiviletto brothers, but many in this small town in middle America have skeletons in their closets. Who will step up and help unearth the secrets that have festered under Haplin’s cheery exterior? How will its citizens deal with the revelations? And who is the “Magic Man”? Does he really exist, and can he be stopped?

Happy Town stars Geoff Stults as Tommy Conroy, Sam Neill as Merritt Grieves, Lauren German as Henley Boone, Steven Weber as John Haplin, Amy Acker as Rachel Conroy, Sarah Gadon as Georgia Bravin, Robert Wisdom as Roger Hobbs, Jay Paulson as Eli “Root Beer” Rogers and Ben Schnetzer as Andrew Haplin.

– ABC Studios